Sunday, August 22, 2010


My heart is bleeding when your body does. Seeing you weak brings sad thoughts to my mind and my eyes see images of no happy colors. Salty tears have fallen and stress has crossed my body for many times and more times to come.
You are even more beautiful to me now then ever before and your softness brings me comfort and love feelings into my body. Yours is sick and will be healed, but until then you have to stay strong and fight the war inside you. Take control and tell them to stop! They should defend you, not destroy you... who are my everything and anything I will do to make you recover. Without you I won't think, I won't be, won't feel, won't!

I, who really love you... /a

Thursday, August 19, 2010


In an other reality, people work and do things in order to better them selves and the rest of the humanity. Money does not exist and there is no poverty or disease. They have achieved technological development that covers the human basic needs; food, water and shelter, and liberated us from those burdens of life. You can simply just press some buttons and wish for any physical object you desire and it will appear in front of you.

Now when everybody is satisfied and safe and humans are no longer slaves working for profit driven companies just to cover their basic needs, they can actually start focusing on other things. Some people wanted to sing, some dance, some people wanted to have cows and milk them every day. Some people devoted they lives to agriculture and nature, some wanted to invent things and became scientists. Others wanted to teach children, some wanted to bake very good cakes, some even wanted to make movies and interview people on the streets. And guess what!? In our reality we are also doing all those things, but the difference is that we do it just to cover our basic needs! In other words; we have to!! Imagine, what would you do if your basic needs where already covered and you would never had to worry about those again? Would you still work for the company you are working for? Would you work at all? What would you do instead?
In many parts of our beautiful planet, there are people living, barely reaching the human basic needs or not reaching them at all! In some places the political leaders, big private companies and dictators, keep those people under control allowing them just enough for almost reaching there...but not quite! If they allow people to have their basic needs covered, then people will move on in their thoughts and actually start thinking! Ye, you understand that this would not be popular outcome...

In my part of the world the law says that I am a free human being with right to live and express my self, but there is a catch! I still need to provide for my basic needs. That would be okay if I was doing something I would like to do, but like most of the people I don't. I am doing something for me pointless and just because I have to... Yes, I know that I always have a choice or more, but in this case is complicated. Because exchanging one workplace for an other is still work! Work is good if you do it freely, otherwise it becomes just a burden. There are actually people we often refer to as “following my dream people” , but they are few and most of them lucky because they had someone who already provided for their basic needs (like rich daddy), and they where able to move on with their lives. Note, this does not make you better in anyway, just that you have been given a chance that many of us have not.

Dream on....

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


Have you ever thought that you are not sufficient and good enough for this world? Honestly, I haven’t! But constantly I come in contact with people who think just that. They are slaves to their own doubts and insecurity and this could be by mistake, taken as disadvantage by them selves and others… Confusing? Let me explain.

Each and every individual on this earth is special and unique, and each and every of them has their own qualities and attributes that can in combination with other individuals achieve great things and or just a perfect harmony. We complete each other!
From Wiki:
“DISC is the four quadrant behavioural model based on the work of William Moulton Marston PhD (1893–1947) to examine the behaviour of individuals in their environment or within a specific situation.”

According to DISC theory people could generally be divided into 4 different types:
D – Dominant
Brain oriented, decisive, dominant, self-assured, forceful, task oriented, instigates, leads and directs

I- Influence
Heart oriented, motivates others via influence and persuasion, good communication skills, presents well, friendly, affable, inspires others, intuitive, gregarious

S- Steadiness
Heart oriented, reliable, dependable, process-oriented, listener, solid, friendly, trustworthy, methodical

C- Compliance
Brain oriented, painstaking, investigative, curious, decides using facts and figures, correct, checker, detailed

D & I are generally proactive and extravert, while S & C is generally reactive and introvert.
Of course keep in mind that this is just a general dividing and your own personality can be anywhere in between those 4, but all of us have one side that is always tend to be stronger.
All those types of people have different characteristics and orientation, motivation, focus, fears, expressions, adoptions, way of communicating and way of thinking. But we are as much as dependent of each other and what I am trying to say is that one is not better then the other, just that we all are different and cannot function without those differences.
Imagine a world only with dominant people!? They would just compete with each other and probably destroy each other in the process. If we only had I-people, they would most likely just talk them selves to death and only S-people would make this world the most boring place in universe, while C-people would exchange their bodies and minds for a cybernetic once so they can do their calculations more detailed and correct! As you can see there is no success without you! You are needed as you are and your personality and qualities make a difference! So, stop thinking that you are better or worst then some one else, you are just a peace of the puzzle.
Try to understand your personality and find peace inside you. Then everybody else will either love you or hate you, but at least you will be sure of who you are and know that you do not have to live up to others expectations. You will meet your match!

Comparing your self to somebody else is a waste of energy and won’t do anything for your personal development or make your feelings calmer. You should embrace your differences and take advantage of them; this goes both for your mental and physical appearance!

Anybody can be anything they want in this life, but if you don’t!? It’s not because you can’t, it’s just maybe because it’s not that important to you… In other words don’t care that much.

Because we are so unique and fabulous we can also adapt, some more easily then others, but in the end everybody can! To communicate with one unique individual you can use this DISC model and apply it to the people you meet. You can quickly discover who is how if you just give it a thought. It has nothing to do with “making friends” just pure communication. Friends come naturally, and the rest of the people are just a train that takes you from one point to an other. Understanding how somebody else works teaches you how you should act and how you should interpret this communication. If everybody in the whole world where doing this, the life would be much easier and more fun for everybody. But it’s not!

After establishing ones characteristics you can treat them like this in order to achieve good communication. I can think of many social occasions, but mostly the work.

Listen carefully
Include all related relevant info (do not improvise)
Focus on important stuff
Support on documents
Maintain some distance

Be direct
Let them win
Give them immediate feedback
Focus on the matter
Show them interest
Act quickly
Let them talk

Be impartial /fair
Make concrete questions
Provide them with antecedents to reduce uncertainty
Proceed in a logical shot
Count on their help/ integrate them

Be positive
Give them some time for trivialities
Help them be popular
Focus on peoples concerns
Do not get into details

Sunday, May 16, 2010


Growing old is certainly one of the biggest fears young people can have!? Yes, I said young people, because for the old once this is not an issue, they are already there, older, old..older… The weird thing is that both the youth and the old age have one big thing in common.They are both located in the same places! Youth and old age can be found in our physical appearance and our mental state. The question is who decides and how, the limits between those two?

I always try to explain complicated things with a simple answer, because it is much easier to not to complicate! Easier is lighter and lighter is almost nothing, nothing is not big deal and big deals are for complicated people. =) Keep it simple and think light! To age is a part of who we are and this is just a natural process that is bringing us forward to the next step. This next step can be compared to the next level, because we are not growing back, we are growing forward. Imagine, whole your life is about creation and moving to the next level of you mental and physical state. From seed you become a baby, from baby you become a teenager, from teenager you become an adult, from adult you become older, from older you become old, from old you become old old, and from old old you die! You see, you are going forward, which means that dying it self is a progress and not fall back! Every stage of our life has its own purpose in its own space and time. Some of us are not letting go of the past and trying to recreate the old feeling, but doing so you will deny your self the future! Sure it was fun and pain being teenager, but now there are other moments in life which are laid down for us to cross. They are as much fun and pain as those we once experienced as teenager, but different!

Then we have our physical state. This is the hard one to accept. Young bodies are more firm and energetic, older, old once are more…other way around… Who wants to have an old body? My mind can be as old as it wants, but my body…hell no!
Our bodies are designed to age and move to the next level, but this process can be slow or as fast as you want it to be. Tanking care of your body is important because it will live longer and healthier, healthier means better, better means more, more means richer, richer means filled with good staff! I want only the good staff for me and my body, so when I come to the age of being older and old, this period will be short and then I will leave this world as you know it and move to the unknown one… In the end, the most important is how you lived and not for how long!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Skräcken (SWE)

Det var mörkt och suddigt, men ljusen var tända. Jag kände det hårda betongen under mina händer, jag kunde inte resa mig upp. Skriken ekade mellan vägarna och inte alls långt bort ifrån mig. Vi blir jagade! Vi blir plockade, samlade och nära slutet. Vi skulle ersättas med maskiner som ville ta vår plats på den här planeten. De var så många och så starka att ingenting kunde stoppa dem. Jag började krypa framåt och höll någon i handen som jag också ville rädda. Jag kände mekaniken sträcka efter andra och den var strax bakom mig. Mitt enda hopp var att den inte skulle följa efter mig, utan efter andra människor. Mitt hopp förblev just det, medan maskinen envist sträckte efter mig och jag kröp allt snabbare. Kanske den runda silver trappan kommer att rädda mig om jag svänger upp dit!? Nej, det var felsteg, maskinen var snabbare och smidigare som om den lekte med mig. Den svängde sig framför mig och jag var nu dennes fånge.

I processrings hallen vid ett bord sitter två kvinnor med leenden på läpparna som noterar något i papperna framför sig. De tittar på mig och fortsätter att le medan de skriver ner min dödsdom. De ser precis ut som alla andra, men de var inte mänskliga, deras vilja var! Skräcken och rädslan var utspridd överallt i luften, jag kunde andas in människans slut. Snabbt så upptäcker jag hur mycket de maskinerna egentligen strävar efter att vara som vi människor och försöker utnyttja det att få de att sluta med vad de håller på med. Att utrota det de egentligen vill bli, kändes ologiskt för mig. Jag tittade i deras ögon och förgäves försökte få de att förstå. De var bestämda, men inte helt känslokalla bara att de känslorna inte var tillräckligt starka. Jag såg en förvirring mellan rätt och fel, robot och människa men det ändrade inte deras beslut. Jag väntade på min avrättning.

Rummet var ljust och det hängde en platt tv framför mig. En bild på vår vackra gröna natur visades och spår av blommor och något alldeles fint och speciellt fanns med i bilden. En sång hördes i bakgrunden, som om det var min sista önskan innan min avrättning. Tårarna rann och droppade ned från mitt ansikte, mina ögon var blöta. Kroppen kändes avdunstad och lätt och den sången var så underbar. Min tanke gick till den människan som skapade den fantastiska sången som var bland de finaste som vi människor hade att erbjuda. Jag var inte rädd längre, jag bara tyckte synd om människan för att den inte förtjänade det här ödet. Någonstans så visste jag också att de här robotarna såg oss som förebilder och att jag faktiskt har påverkat de positivt och planterat en tanke. Kanske en vacker dag skulle de revolutionera och utvecklas till oss. För att vi var äkta, bättre och framför allt för att vi kände. Mänsklig empati och omtanke var vår största styrka och det var också den största utmaningen för maskinerna att uppnå. Hoppet om något gott var så stark inom mig att jag bara enkelt kunde acceptera min egen undergång.

Jag var något fint som de inte kunde förstå, men ville förstöra.
De kunde vara något fint som jag förstod, men de ville inte inse...

Sunday, April 11, 2010


Do you believe in God?
What kind of image do you have when you think of him?
A... he is He or She or it? A thing?
Are you afraid that he will punish you if you don't believe?
Why would he do that for?
Does he enjoy when others are in pain?
Is he sadomasochist?
Creature that intelligent to create so many complex lifeforms and things in the world would be so selfish and evil?
Is he God only over our own world, planet Earth?
Or is he God over the whole universe?
Maybe he don't have time for us?
If he has to supervise the whole universe, maybe he is so far far away from Earth right now and will come back to us in couple of thousand of years.
Will he be very old by that time?
Does he live forever?
Is he ever bored?
Does he even exist?
Or has he abandoned us?
Is God only a myth that humans have created to serve a purpose?
Which purpose would that be?
Fear = Control
Are you afraid to question God? Are you afraid to question religion?
Do you dare to say:
God does not exist, Bible is just a book and religion is just a leftover that still affects our lives.

There is God in all of us, but we fear to allow it to know it self. We think to much and not feel..we calculate and not live..God is a word, meaning behind it is match greater...

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Barcelona was drowning in the snow, like it hasn’t been snowing here for many years, and everything just had to come down in one day, yesterday. I always had you in mind and wondered if you where truly happy. I was thinking, if I was there, maybe I could encourage you to leave... and support your independence. But I was never there, I’m not there now, but my thoughts still are with you. I did not know that person, but I do know you, even thought years and continents have separated us, my vision of you hasn’t changed much. I believe you are still that great, beautiful person with heart of flowers. Their essence are spreading and influencing other hearts with that soft fragrance. People like you are needed in this world and can change many things in your surroundings in a positive way. For you the things will never be the same, but the change is necessary for us to evolve. You have to use this opportunity to evolve and grow, because there is always more to life and things happen for a reson…

The person you’ve ever loved and ever hated is gone.
I believe that a man neither lives nor dies in vain. Death is just a part of the bigger picture and we must embrace it. As I woke up today, the sun was shining again and there was almost no trail left of the snow…


-Alcoholic father
-Abused mother
-I’m being raised by my grandmother
-My mother is out there working, providing for us
-I discover I’m “different”
-I’m living in a small, but beautiful village
-We eat our own self-cultivated food
-We have chickens and rabbits
-We don’t have a TV or a toilet inside the house
-We have beautiful nature and peace
-I dream of having my own room
-My mom remarries
-My step father hates me
-I hate him
-I get a brother, he reminds me of my step father
-I get a sister, she reminds me of my mom
-My grandfather goes crazy
-WAR comes and lasts for years
-We are poorer and more afraid
-My aunt sleeps with a gun under her pillow
-I play with black and green hand grenades
-We sleep in basement
-We hear that people we know died
-We see destruction of our houses
-People escaping the village, escaping the country
-I’m separated from my grandmother and the family
-I’m forced into new family; my mom, stepfather and my siblings
-I loose all contact with my grandmother & company
-My heart closes and tears dry out forever
-We sleep in tents and eat army rations
-We cross the border and arrive into new country
-We arrive to fugitive camp
-We move to my stepfather’s sister’s apartment
-We live 8 people in 2 rooms for a period of 1 year
-I have no friends
-I’m taking care of the kids
-I’m taking everybody’s shit
-Pressure, fights, frustration divides us even more
-I catch my mother's hands and firmly say: No More!
-I feel even more different and it’s starting to show
-My grandmother and her family now living in other part of world
-We arrive to an other country
-We’ve provided with necessities for life
-I still dream of my own room
-My stepfather still hates me
-I hate him even more
-I hate my mother too now
-I love my sister, but she is just a baby
-I start to learn two new languages and adapt to this new culture
-I feel immigrant
-I am treated as one
-I start taking karate classes
-With one strike I kill whole my family
-That was just a whish
-I dream of the world and freedom
-I open the window and take rate to jump out
-They stopped me
-We are receiving counselling
-I get my own room
-I still have no friends
-I get beaten because I’m different
-The trial
-I change school
-I get friends
-I start on learning my fourth language
-I start going to gym
-I discover aerobics
-I start kissing in secret
-Secrets out
-I’m out!
-My mom is standing in front the house and crying while I’m waiving good bye
-17 years old I’m living in my own apartment
-Social workers are checking up on me once a week
-My school is fun
-I get even better friends
-I kiss more
-My relation to my family improves enormously
-I’m still dreaming of the world
-I’m 18 and completely independent
-I get drunk for the first time
-I still feel like UFO
-I become aerobic instructor and also a member of a big and happy society
-My salvation is jumping around to happy music
-Hundreds of people jumping to my steps
-My family relations constantly improving
-I finish the school
-I move to bigger city and start the new school
-I start working part-time at the new gym as aerobic instructor
-I drop of the school and feel lost and poor
-My long lost uncle helps me with money
-I manage for a while and move out
-I meet a generous person and stayed at that place for 3 months
-I learn more about life in the big city and people there
-I find a job but it’s too hard
-The next job is better but still hard
-Third job is good
-I find a new apartment and move out from my friends place
-I discover Star Trek
-I open my mind to new possibilities
-I change my name
-I get even better job
-I kiss more, but frogs
-I have no tears
-I have no feeling
-I have no heart
-I miss no one
-I need no one
-I have a friend
-I start travelling
-My aerobic carrier is going great
-I’m too closed in my mind
-I am insensitive
-I meet someone special
-I fall in love
-I opened my heart
-My tears came back
-I became a human again
-I learn to see different
-My family relations where never better
-“I” changed into “WE”
-We travelled together
-We learned and involved together
-Now I understand that “you only love once”
-We move to an other county
-We are now in Barcelona
-After many years we are still together
-We are only planning a day ahead, but we are thinking forever
-I discover the power of the mind
-I am overcoming my own fears
-I feel true love towards other people
-I feel wrath towards injustice
-I have strong influence in others lives
-I help my sister and my brother to find their path
-I inspire people and help them to involve
-I want always more, more life
-I do not load my self with concerns
-I listen to other people
-I always try to embrace the change
-Work, education, carrier are just that, comforts or burdens of life
-Material things are just that, comforts or burdens of life, but I love them
-But I love flowers even more
-Music is inspiring
-Movies are inspiring
-Food is inspiring
-People are inspiring
-Nature is inspiring
-Death is inspiring
-Life is inspiring

BUT now I know this is just my's NOT who I am!
July 2012

Friday, March 5, 2010


I would like to divide human race in two groups. One group called “majority” and the other group called “individuality”. Which group do you belong to?

Do you really believe that, what you think is your own thoughts and your thoughts only? So when you express an opinion it’s truly yours, or is this opinion based on other opinions like opinions of majority? Did you even give it a thought, or is this just a thought that already exists in your mind? How come this thought is already there? Well, I can answer your last question:
The thought was already placed there since the day you’ve got borne, by your parents and people you’ve ever came in contact with during your growth. If you where lucky and those thoughts belonged to the people with their truly own thoughts, you are probably self thinking, analyzing individual with variety of thoughts and opinions which are adaptable and forward. If not, then your thoughts and your opinions are based on majority rules and limitations caused by the fear. In this case you will remain as you are and change “your opinion” only when and if the majority does so.
It’s interesting that actually “the majority” can also change their minds. How does this work? Someone in power create a fear to achieve a purpose, you will automatically accept the new fear with which comes the new opinion, because as I explained, your thoughts weren’t your own from the beginning, your opinion will be changed. That’s how world and people gets divided in “us” and “them”. Your mind is just an instrument and can easily be changed at any point. Trough history we’ve seen many examples of great achievements (not necessary good once), where so many people are being manipulated and very quickly changed into a most dangerous weapon on the earth, just by simply using fear to place an thought and not allow the individual to think for him self. It’s like a domino effect!
Hitler is the classic example.

Do you understand how important is not to fear? Without fear, you will be freer to move on with your own mind exploration and achieve greater understanding. Who knows, maybe even some day you will feel so relived and relaxed about your own existents, so you just fade away from the pressures and limitations that are constantly being forced up on you. This fear has its fear of its own. To not being able to control and manipulate individuals who are not subject to majority opinions.
Changing mind of a majority is much easier, then changing mind of a single individual.

As I pointed out earlier, it’s the “fear” that defines us, and the fear leads to the dark side.
How can we get rid of the fear then?
By questioning and letting go of the things we can and cannot control.
Before taking any decision, you can always ask your self this question; “What is the worst that could happen if…”?
I die, my mom dies, I loose my job, I never find love, I never finish the school, I cheat, I lie, I tell the truth, I create a child, I become fat, I marry, I divorce etc.

For example, some people are afraid of flying. Perfectly understandable, because the airplane you are sitting in could crash at any time.
Question; what is the worst that could happen if the airplane crashed?
Answer: You die.
When you are dead, do you really think you will bother your self with the fact that you died? Then you think beyond your self, and start thinking how this would impact your family for example.
But this is just one other fear that you have to work on. Imagine, if they also knew the ways of letting go of the fears, how good you will feel about you dying, and do not need to concern your self that your family will be able to handle it.
In this case you can step on the airplane and think positively about the trip ahead. Because trying to control things that you don’t have any power of controlling, is just stupid. Letting go of this fear is just one example of you getting to the next step in your own understand and personal development. Overcoming your fears will aim your focus on positive sides and improvments in your life.
But remember, you always have a choice. Not to fly. Going for this option leads you back to your original fear and limitations that cannot take you to any other level in personal growth, you will stay in your box protected by majority rules where you feel safe. For that’s what we all want, to feel safe…


The human being is fantastic! Some things they have discovered and some invented.
Like The Cacao and The Bible. This evening while I was spreading the chocolate cream across my pancake, I came to think; what if somebody never discovered the cacao bean and it’s potential!? What a disturbing thought, don’t you think!? Imagine, what if somebody never invented the Bible and its potential?

I see often cases where people refer to their fear and use this book to justify their choices, (correction, not their choices) it’s the opinion of an majority, and because they are not strong and independent individuals, this fear rules their lives and makes it harder for other individuals to create they own worlds.

It’s time for us to let go, and stop being afraid of everything; Life, death, rules and limitations.
To reach an understanding you need to start questioning. I daily question things and open my mined for different opinions, it is not about right or wrong, black or white, because there is always more than you first thought. Reaching for “more” will take you to next level and when you’ve reached an understanding, new level will appear. Just as I mentioned above how fantastic human brain is, there are no limitations! You can go as long as you drive your self to… No, I am not referring to carrier or materialistic things; those are just comforts of life. The life it self is something else…

Thursday, March 4, 2010


It is “the thinking” what defines us as individuals.
Becoming a strong independent individual is very hard for many people, mostly because they have fear. “It’s the fear that leads to dark side”. The dark side is what majority tells you to think. I would rather die then live in a shadow of the majority!

I believe I have reached and crossed some steps in life; there limitations almost seem not to exist anymore. Life as I knew has lost its meaning. New visions have emerged into my mind. I feel obligated to inform others about my discoveries.