Tuesday, March 9, 2010

MY ROAD



-Alcoholic father
-Abused mother
-Separation
-I’m being raised by my grandmother
-My mother is out there working, providing for us
-I discover I’m “different”
-I’m living in a small, but beautiful village
-We eat our own self-cultivated food
-We have chickens and rabbits
-We don’t have a TV or a toilet inside the house
-We have beautiful nature and peace
-I dream of having my own room
-My mom remarries
-My step father hates me
-I hate him
-I get a brother, he reminds me of my step father
-I get a sister, she reminds me of my mom
-My grandfather goes crazy
-WAR comes and lasts for years
-We are poorer and more afraid
-My aunt sleeps with a gun under her pillow
-I play with black and green hand grenades
-We sleep in basement
-We hear that people we know died
-We see destruction of our houses
-People escaping the village, escaping the country
-I’m separated from my grandmother and the family
-I’m forced into new family; my mom, stepfather and my siblings
-I loose all contact with my grandmother & company
-My heart closes and tears dry out forever
-We sleep in tents and eat army rations
-We cross the border and arrive into new country
-We arrive to fugitive camp
-We move to my stepfather’s sister’s apartment
-We live 8 people in 2 rooms for a period of 1 year
-I have no friends
-I’m taking care of the kids
-I’m taking everybody’s shit
-Pressure, fights, frustration divides us even more
-I catch my mother's hands and firmly say: No More!
-I feel even more different and it’s starting to show
-My grandmother and her family now living in other part of world
-We arrive to an other country
-We’ve provided with necessities for life
-I still dream of my own room
-My stepfather still hates me
-I hate him even more
-I hate my mother too now
-I love my sister, but she is just a baby
-I start to learn two new languages and adapt to this new culture
-I feel immigrant
-I am treated as one
-I start taking karate classes
-With one strike I kill whole my family
-That was just a whish
-I dream of the world and freedom
-I open the window and take rate to jump out
-They stopped me
-We are receiving counselling
-I get my own room
-I still have no friends
-I get beaten because I’m different
-The trial
-I change school
-I get friends
-I start on learning my fourth language
-I start going to gym
-I discover aerobics
-I start kissing in secret
-Secrets out
-I’m out!
-My mom is standing in front the house and crying while I’m waiving good bye
-17 years old I’m living in my own apartment
-Social workers are checking up on me once a week
-My school is fun
-I get even better friends
-I kiss more
-My relation to my family improves enormously
-I’m still dreaming of the world
-I’m 18 and completely independent
-I get drunk for the first time
-I still feel like UFO
-I become aerobic instructor and also a member of a big and happy society
-My salvation is jumping around to happy music
-Hundreds of people jumping to my steps
-My family relations constantly improving
-I finish the school
-I move to bigger city and start the new school
-I start working part-time at the new gym as aerobic instructor
-I drop of the school and feel lost and poor
-My long lost uncle helps me with money
-I manage for a while and move out
-I meet a generous person and stayed at that place for 3 months
-I learn more about life in the big city and people there
-I find a job but it’s too hard
-The next job is better but still hard
-Third job is good
-I find a new apartment and move out from my friends place
-I discover Star Trek
-I open my mind to new possibilities
-I change my name
-I get even better job
-I kiss more, but frogs
-I have no tears
-I have no feeling
-I have no heart
-I miss no one
-I need no one
-I have a friend
-I start travelling
-My aerobic carrier is going great
-I’m too closed in my mind
-I am insensitive
-I meet someone special
-I fall in love
-I opened my heart
-My tears came back
-I became a human again
-I learn to see different
-My family relations where never better
-“I” changed into “WE”
-We travelled together
-We learned and involved together
-Now I understand that “you only love once”
-We move to an other county
-We are now in Barcelona
-After many years we are still together
-We are only planning a day ahead, but we are thinking forever
-I discover the power of the mind
-I am overcoming my own fears
-I feel true love towards other people
-I feel wrath towards injustice
-I have strong influence in others lives
-I help my sister and my brother to find their path
-I inspire people and help them to involve
-I want always more, more life
-I do not load my self with concerns
-I listen to other people
-I always try to embrace the change
-Work, education, carrier are just that, comforts or burdens of life
-Material things are just that, comforts or burdens of life, but I love them
-But I love flowers even more
-Music is inspiring
-Movies are inspiring
-Food is inspiring
-People are inspiring
-Nature is inspiring
-Death is inspiring
-Life is inspiring

BUT now I know this is just my story...it's NOT who I am!
July 2012

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