Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Barcelona was drowning in the snow, like it hasn’t been snowing here for many years, and everything just had to come down in one day, yesterday. I always had you in mind and wondered if you where truly happy. I was thinking, if I was there, maybe I could encourage you to leave... and support your independence. But I was never there, I’m not there now, but my thoughts still are with you. I did not know that person, but I do know you, even thought years and continents have separated us, my vision of you hasn’t changed much. I believe you are still that great, beautiful person with heart of flowers. Their essence are spreading and influencing other hearts with that soft fragrance. People like you are needed in this world and can change many things in your surroundings in a positive way. For you the things will never be the same, but the change is necessary for us to evolve. You have to use this opportunity to evolve and grow, because there is always more to life and things happen for a reson…

The person you’ve ever loved and ever hated is gone.
I believe that a man neither lives nor dies in vain. Death is just a part of the bigger picture and we must embrace it. As I woke up today, the sun was shining again and there was almost no trail left of the snow…


-Alcoholic father
-Abused mother
-I’m being raised by my grandmother
-My mother is out there working, providing for us
-I discover I’m “different”
-I’m living in a small, but beautiful village
-We eat our own self-cultivated food
-We have chickens and rabbits
-We don’t have a TV or a toilet inside the house
-We have beautiful nature and peace
-I dream of having my own room
-My mom remarries
-My step father hates me
-I hate him
-I get a brother, he reminds me of my step father
-I get a sister, she reminds me of my mom
-My grandfather goes crazy
-WAR comes and lasts for years
-We are poorer and more afraid
-My aunt sleeps with a gun under her pillow
-I play with black and green hand grenades
-We sleep in basement
-We hear that people we know died
-We see destruction of our houses
-People escaping the village, escaping the country
-I’m separated from my grandmother and the family
-I’m forced into new family; my mom, stepfather and my siblings
-I loose all contact with my grandmother & company
-My heart closes and tears dry out forever
-We sleep in tents and eat army rations
-We cross the border and arrive into new country
-We arrive to fugitive camp
-We move to my stepfather’s sister’s apartment
-We live 8 people in 2 rooms for a period of 1 year
-I have no friends
-I’m taking care of the kids
-I’m taking everybody’s shit
-Pressure, fights, frustration divides us even more
-I catch my mother's hands and firmly say: No More!
-I feel even more different and it’s starting to show
-My grandmother and her family now living in other part of world
-We arrive to an other country
-We’ve provided with necessities for life
-I still dream of my own room
-My stepfather still hates me
-I hate him even more
-I hate my mother too now
-I love my sister, but she is just a baby
-I start to learn two new languages and adapt to this new culture
-I feel immigrant
-I am treated as one
-I start taking karate classes
-With one strike I kill whole my family
-That was just a whish
-I dream of the world and freedom
-I open the window and take rate to jump out
-They stopped me
-We are receiving counselling
-I get my own room
-I still have no friends
-I get beaten because I’m different
-The trial
-I change school
-I get friends
-I start on learning my fourth language
-I start going to gym
-I discover aerobics
-I start kissing in secret
-Secrets out
-I’m out!
-My mom is standing in front the house and crying while I’m waiving good bye
-17 years old I’m living in my own apartment
-Social workers are checking up on me once a week
-My school is fun
-I get even better friends
-I kiss more
-My relation to my family improves enormously
-I’m still dreaming of the world
-I’m 18 and completely independent
-I get drunk for the first time
-I still feel like UFO
-I become aerobic instructor and also a member of a big and happy society
-My salvation is jumping around to happy music
-Hundreds of people jumping to my steps
-My family relations constantly improving
-I finish the school
-I move to bigger city and start the new school
-I start working part-time at the new gym as aerobic instructor
-I drop of the school and feel lost and poor
-My long lost uncle helps me with money
-I manage for a while and move out
-I meet a generous person and stayed at that place for 3 months
-I learn more about life in the big city and people there
-I find a job but it’s too hard
-The next job is better but still hard
-Third job is good
-I find a new apartment and move out from my friends place
-I discover Star Trek
-I open my mind to new possibilities
-I change my name
-I get even better job
-I kiss more, but frogs
-I have no tears
-I have no feeling
-I have no heart
-I miss no one
-I need no one
-I have a friend
-I start travelling
-My aerobic carrier is going great
-I’m too closed in my mind
-I am insensitive
-I meet someone special
-I fall in love
-I opened my heart
-My tears came back
-I became a human again
-I learn to see different
-My family relations where never better
-“I” changed into “WE”
-We travelled together
-We learned and involved together
-Now I understand that “you only love once”
-We move to an other county
-We are now in Barcelona
-After many years we are still together
-We are only planning a day ahead, but we are thinking forever
-I discover the power of the mind
-I am overcoming my own fears
-I feel true love towards other people
-I feel wrath towards injustice
-I have strong influence in others lives
-I help my sister and my brother to find their path
-I inspire people and help them to involve
-I want always more, more life
-I do not load my self with concerns
-I listen to other people
-I always try to embrace the change
-Work, education, carrier are just that, comforts or burdens of life
-Material things are just that, comforts or burdens of life, but I love them
-But I love flowers even more
-Music is inspiring
-Movies are inspiring
-Food is inspiring
-People are inspiring
-Nature is inspiring
-Death is inspiring
-Life is inspiring

BUT now I know this is just my story...it's NOT who I am!
July 2012

Friday, March 5, 2010


I would like to divide human race in two groups. One group called “majority” and the other group called “individuality”. Which group do you belong to?

Do you really believe that, what you think is your own thoughts and your thoughts only? So when you express an opinion it’s truly yours, or is this opinion based on other opinions like opinions of majority? Did you even give it a thought, or is this just a thought that already exists in your mind? How come this thought is already there? Well, I can answer your last question:
The thought was already placed there since the day you’ve got borne, by your parents and people you’ve ever came in contact with during your growth. If you where lucky and those thoughts belonged to the people with their truly own thoughts, you are probably self thinking, analyzing individual with variety of thoughts and opinions which are adaptable and forward. If not, then your thoughts and your opinions are based on majority rules and limitations caused by the fear. In this case you will remain as you are and change “your opinion” only when and if the majority does so.
It’s interesting that actually “the majority” can also change their minds. How does this work? Someone in power create a fear to achieve a purpose, you will automatically accept the new fear with which comes the new opinion, because as I explained, your thoughts weren’t your own from the beginning, your opinion will be changed. That’s how world and people gets divided in “us” and “them”. Your mind is just an instrument and can easily be changed at any point. Trough history we’ve seen many examples of great achievements (not necessary good once), where so many people are being manipulated and very quickly changed into a most dangerous weapon on the earth, just by simply using fear to place an thought and not allow the individual to think for him self. It’s like a domino effect!
Hitler is the classic example.

Do you understand how important is not to fear? Without fear, you will be freer to move on with your own mind exploration and achieve greater understanding. Who knows, maybe even some day you will feel so relived and relaxed about your own existents, so you just fade away from the pressures and limitations that are constantly being forced up on you. This fear has its fear of its own. To not being able to control and manipulate individuals who are not subject to majority opinions.
Changing mind of a majority is much easier, then changing mind of a single individual.

As I pointed out earlier, it’s the “fear” that defines us, and the fear leads to the dark side.
How can we get rid of the fear then?
By questioning and letting go of the things we can and cannot control.
Before taking any decision, you can always ask your self this question; “What is the worst that could happen if…”?
I die, my mom dies, I loose my job, I never find love, I never finish the school, I cheat, I lie, I tell the truth, I create a child, I become fat, I marry, I divorce etc.

For example, some people are afraid of flying. Perfectly understandable, because the airplane you are sitting in could crash at any time.
Question; what is the worst that could happen if the airplane crashed?
Answer: You die.
When you are dead, do you really think you will bother your self with the fact that you died? Then you think beyond your self, and start thinking how this would impact your family for example.
But this is just one other fear that you have to work on. Imagine, if they also knew the ways of letting go of the fears, how good you will feel about you dying, and do not need to concern your self that your family will be able to handle it.
In this case you can step on the airplane and think positively about the trip ahead. Because trying to control things that you don’t have any power of controlling, is just stupid. Letting go of this fear is just one example of you getting to the next step in your own understand and personal development. Overcoming your fears will aim your focus on positive sides and improvments in your life.
But remember, you always have a choice. Not to fly. Going for this option leads you back to your original fear and limitations that cannot take you to any other level in personal growth, you will stay in your box protected by majority rules where you feel safe. For that’s what we all want, to feel safe…


The human being is fantastic! Some things they have discovered and some invented.
Like The Cacao and The Bible. This evening while I was spreading the chocolate cream across my pancake, I came to think; what if somebody never discovered the cacao bean and it’s potential!? What a disturbing thought, don’t you think!? Imagine, what if somebody never invented the Bible and its potential?

I see often cases where people refer to their fear and use this book to justify their choices, (correction, not their choices) it’s the opinion of an majority, and because they are not strong and independent individuals, this fear rules their lives and makes it harder for other individuals to create they own worlds.

It’s time for us to let go, and stop being afraid of everything; Life, death, rules and limitations.
To reach an understanding you need to start questioning. I daily question things and open my mined for different opinions, it is not about right or wrong, black or white, because there is always more than you first thought. Reaching for “more” will take you to next level and when you’ve reached an understanding, new level will appear. Just as I mentioned above how fantastic human brain is, there are no limitations! You can go as long as you drive your self to… No, I am not referring to carrier or materialistic things; those are just comforts of life. The life it self is something else…

Thursday, March 4, 2010


It is “the thinking” what defines us as individuals.
Becoming a strong independent individual is very hard for many people, mostly because they have fear. “It’s the fear that leads to dark side”. The dark side is what majority tells you to think. I would rather die then live in a shadow of the majority!

I believe I have reached and crossed some steps in life; there limitations almost seem not to exist anymore. Life as I knew has lost its meaning. New visions have emerged into my mind. I feel obligated to inform others about my discoveries.