Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Why doesn't it come?

Why doesn't it come to me?
Somebody else has it, and I haven't got any.

I don't feel jealousy, I feel left out. As many times I've been left out as a child. The memory of those experiences have created the beliefs within me that I am not good enough as everybody else is, to get it. To get the manifestation I want. Yes, now it makes perfect sense. To mention some aspects that are still active in my vibration because of the belief system I have created that prevents me from realizing my own worth and to allow my desires to enter into my physical experience. 

While other kids in my vicinity had two parents to give them love and attention, I had none...or sometimes one, but not constantly enough to ensure my worth. While other kids, have two parents with stable income to provide them with things that ensured their worthiness, I had non. While other kids had two parents that at least one always came to school meetings, I had non. Well once I remember my mom came to my school meeting, and that was the happiest day in my life. But then, hearing that I am an exemplary student and hundred percent self guided and can always be trusted, do not really need “supervision”, no need to come to school meetings. Which sounds great, but now there is no flow of constant confirmation that I am good enough.. No encouragements that I can do it, that anything I wish can be accomplished by me. 

I had many sad days as a child, which I have ignored to look back at and just remember the good part. But now so many years later, I have wishes and desires and many of them have started to flow into my experience with ease, I still have some brakes on. And those breaks are my belief systems created as a child and reinforced through life, still active within me! And how do I know that? 

Well, I had a dream where there was a person whom I have very narrow view of..and he, who according to me, do not deserve to get that winning on the lottery, got it! And I, who I see as deserving, did not get it. And again, I feel like that child left out from Christmas gifts, when everybody else is being receiving it. It is important to notice here, that in my dream I did not felt that he should not have won, just the surprise that “even” he can win, and I cannot? It is also important to understand that he is as worthy as anybody and my view of him is not as it was before. I guess somewhere on the way I saw him as someone untrustworthy and therefore unworthy of his desires.

As I see it that way places me directly in poor consciousness category and that is also the cause for my limitation when I look at my self. Maybe therefore I have been trying during the years to play on the lottery and always hoping to win. And the weird part is that I almost always win, but I win small! And now thanks to this dream, and to this person in my dream I finally get it. 

The reason for me not winning Big is not because I don´t dream big, is because I don't see, feel my self as worthy. I've been reassuring this statement for long long time and now when I am awakening to who I really am , and realizing my own power of thought emotion and alignment I see clearly my bugs. And it feels great to acknowledge it. To bring it into the light and understand that point of view, that unworthiness I have been carrying around does not longer serve me. 

My beliefs were introduced by circumstances which today have no more power. 
Because all my power comes from Now, from clarity and alignment with my inner being, with the Source who knows my worthiness and loves me unconditionally. I now know who I am and that there is nothing that I cannot be, do or have. OH..it feels great to realize this, and to write it out of me..so it is no longer a hindrance, than a moment of clarification. And I love having moments of clarification, of relief. A moment of true self empowerment.

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